The Harry Potter Catastrophe
by Angel Anastasia
Summary: Harry gets really sick and his friends struggle to save him...our first story so be nice. really really funny


Forward: This did not start as my idea!!! My little sister has an obsession with Harry Potter, and so me and my friend decided to write this. My friend, Alexei, came up with all the ideas while I wrote it down. I wrote this in the early morning, and both me and my friend were high on chocolate. It started out being serious but quickly turned into sick and disgusting humor. And so here it is. Dont be grossed out. I'm sorry if it sickens you greatly. It sickens us too.

Disclaimer: We definitely don't own Harry Potter, my I know my little sister wouldn't mind having a little piece of him!

"Harry, did you finish your homework?" said a voice.

He didn't respond to her. He stared miserably at a knot in the table that he didn't even see. A hand waved in his face.

"What?" Harry gasped in surprise. Ron pointed to his mother. "She asked you if you finished your homework."

"Oh," he whispered. "Yeah, I did it at the Dursleys."

Mrs. Weasly's face faltered. "Harry what is it? Are you feeling ill?"

"Sort of. My head keeps throbbing."

The woman quickly stepped around the table and placed a cool hand across his forehead. "Merlin! Your fever's raging! I want you to go straight to your room now."

Harry frowned more deeply. He wasn't in the mood to get up and leave. His stomach churned threateningly and sudden dizziness made the kitchen blur. (I don't want to do this!!!! You'll see why!!) Unwillingly, he rose to his feet. Hopefully, the sickness he felt would hold itself until he got upstairs.

There was a sudden wave of dizziness and nausea that overwhelmed him. Harry collapsed onto his hands and knees, spewing out rounds of vomit. The stomach acid scorched his esophagus and caused the action to occur again.

Screams echoed through the kitchen. Mrs. Weasley scrambled over to his heaving form and grabbed his shoulders. Ron, Hermoine, and the Weasley twins stood in horror.

"You lot stay here!" she screamed. Mrs. Weasley, quite surprisingly, hauled Harry from the floor. She ushered him swiftly down the hall, up the stairs, and he still found himself vomiting nonstop. He trembled in her grasp. Mrs. Weasley literally dragged his limp body up the stairs until he gained his footing. Harry stumbled to keep up the pace. She turned him abruptly into Sirius's empty bedroom and struck his head against the doorpost. BANG!

"Oompf!"

Mrs. Weasley didn't seem to notice. Harry found himself soaring into the air, landing perfectly on his back on the bed. It took a moment to realize it. The experience didn't help his stomach.

There was a rush and he began jerking like a rag doll as she hastily puffed his pillows. Mrs. Weasley flew to end of the bed and painfully attempted to rip off Harry's shoes. (My God this story is stupid)

They flipped in the air. One landed on the dresser, scattering mirrors and others items; the other, by a strange chance in time, nailed Ron square in the face as he came to the door.

"Mum, is he-Ouch!"

More commotion followed. Hermoine and the Weasley twins came from behind. Pushing Ron into the dresser and out of the way, they stood at the foot of the bed.

"Oh my," squealed Hermoine.

Harry tried to stifle it but another churning in his stomach took further action. He opened his mouth and a shower of (you know what) drenched them. All three recoiled. Fred spit. "Wow." George muttered.

(I don't wanna do it!! Alexei is making me!!)

An odd sensation soaked through his stomach. Oh no... he thought. Harry couldn't move. He felt something warm escape him and soak into the sheets. (This is gross)

Suddenly, Harry;s eyes rolled into the bad of his head and his body began convulsing. Mrs. Weasley snapped into action. "Grab him!"

She took hold of his head and shoved it deep into the pillows with her hands in his face. Now smelling, Hermoine and the twins took Harry's arms. Ron came near to control his legs. Without warning, Harry's foot locked on target. It shot out at a 45 degree angle and kick boxed Ron in the nose.

George laughed. "Way to go Harry! 50 points to Gryffindor."

Rib fell to the ground but slowly got up clutching his bleeding nostrils. (Hey, that was funny)

"This is not my day," he growled.

Hermoine screamed. Harry's hand began flapping in front of her face, smacking her when she least expected it.

Meanwhile, far away in a dim-lit room, howls of laughter rang. An orb floated in a circle of merry men, revealing the show. Hooded and masked men drank martinis, taquilas, and margaritas, all included with a tiny toothpick umbrella. Some were doing the limbo. Some even square dancing. Three straddled over a Twister mat. Everyone funked out to Funky Town in a sequence of flashing florescent lights. As a huge disco ball descended, a snakelike man appeared out of nowhere and began bursting out Michael Jackson moves. (This is funny and gay)

Back at the house, the people struggled in vain to restrain Harry's movements. It didn't last long. His seizure faltered and his body lay limp on the bed. Ron held up his hands in defense just in case.

"What's eating him?" Fred joked. "This is the nastiest flu I've ever seen!"

George began scribbling down on a notebook. "Oh, this is great! He's given me loads of new ideas for our shop!"

Fred grinned. "Yeah, like Dung Dong Diahrria."

"Yeah, and Wacky Walloping Warmoinger."

Laughter broke out.

Their was a sudden whoosh and Harry's leg stabbed Ron deep in his prized package and left him squealing in pain. His voice was high pitched and he screamed that he felt something rip off and land in his undergarments. Ron let out a squeak before collapsing onto the floor.

"K.O." said the twins in unison.

Mrs. Weasly, Hermoine, and both of them laughed heartingly.

Someone entered the bedroom in a rush.

Albus Dumbledore came quickly inside but stopped dead in his tracks. "Damn, it reeks in here!"

"Yes, well, Harry's had a rough ten minutes," replied Mrs. Weasley.

He raised an eyebrow. "Ten minutes?"

"Yep, a natural black belt nija." said Fred happily.

"Oh well, Maybe-"

"Sir, look out!" Hermoine shouted.

Unnoticeably, Harry's foot had slid sneakily in his direction and hurtled toward him. It tangled in his beard and couldn't get out.

Everyone gasped. The beard ripped off and a familiar face looked back at them.

"Oh fiddlesticks!" he shouted.

"Professor Snape?" Hermoine exclaimed!

"Fine, the secret's out." He began pulling in his arms and the old man skin slipped off like a wetsuit.

"What were you doing?" asked Mrs. Weasley.

"I don't know. You'd be surprised how I actually got doing this. Potter still pisses me off even when he's unconscious."

"Well, he seems fine now," she said. "Let's ditch Ron and go downstairs for some tea."

The others mumbled in agreement and filed out the door.

SOME TIME LATER

Harry opened his eyes wearily. The sick feeling he had earlier was gone. Almost immediately he got up and sucked in the fresh air.

"Wow, today sucked." He looked down and saw Ron lying on the ground in a fetal position. Blood was all around him, and something looked different about his pants. Something stuck out that never did before.

"Aww....Ron's asleep."

He noticed his own pants and frowned. He quickly changed and went downstairs.

"Hey everyone!" he yelled. "Sorry about today. I feel much better."

There was silence. Funny he thought.

He went into the kitchen and gasped. Everyone lay all along the floor asleep. Apparently, the had caught the strange disease. He saw Hermoine's feet doing a tap dance in the air.

A thought came to his mind. He smiled.

"Par-t-ay!"


End file.
